Hi Reader!

The constant unpredictability of life with young children can be exhausting. By establishing routines and rhythms, you create a predictable flow that reduces decision fatigue and makes daily life more manageable. This one is especially close to my heart because establishing routines and rhythms is at the core of what I do and what I teach.

8: 🥁 Find Your Rhythm

Our family’s evening routine has been a lifesaver. When we get home every weekday after work and childcare, we follow a predictable pattern that ensures everyone knows their role, and the kids get to bed on time. As soon as we walk in the door, my 4-year-old son takes off his shoes and washes his hands. My husband washes our 18-month-old daughter’s hands and sets the table. The kids then play with some toys on the floor while I finish assembling dinner. This routine allows us to run on autopilot—no discussions or debates about who does what.

This predictability means we’re not wasting energy figuring out what needs to be done by whom; we just do it. And when flexibility is needed, like when my son has a meltdown after being overstimulated at school all day, we pause and one partner takes him outside to reset while the other keeps the routine going. Routines and rhythms are meant to be flexible, so turn down the volume on your inner perfectionist and allow these to be guides to pivot from, not schedules to adhere to exactly.

Imagine the opposite scenario, where every day you come home, and it’s slightly different. Often, one partner takes the lead, assigning tasks and managing the flow, while the others follow their orders. This dynamic can be exhausting for the person "in charge" and lead to resentment, while the rest of the family feels they lack agency. Establishing a routine eliminates this by creating a shared understanding of who does what, making everything run more smoothly.

Examples:

• Write out your ideal morning, after childcare, and/or evening routines in the notes app on your phone. Share it with your partner for feedback and edits. With your partner, pick one small change you want to try to make the routine smoother, and commit to it for the next week.
• Adopt a weekend rhythm: two mornings or afternoons out, and two at home, for example. Some weekends will be different (hello, birthday parties), but it helps us keep balanced.
• Establish a “prep meeting” once a week where you and your partner spend 30 minutes organizing for the upcoming week (e.g., planning meals, reviewing schedules). I love doing this during the work day as a video call when you're not as tired as you would be in the evenings after work and you don't have kids underfoot.

Ask yourself: What routines and rhythms can you establish to make your days run more smoothly and reduce decision fatigue?

Cheering you on,

Leslie Newell
Founder, Bright Violet Home

P.S. One of my favorite sessions to run with parents is Unf*ck Your Routines, where we put into practice the ideas in this email for your own family. Sign up for Unf*ck Your Routines, or schedule your free 30-minute intro call to learn more.