Hi Reader!

The constant demands of daily life with children can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly putting out fires. Today’s tip is about making small, targeted requests (specifically of your partner or spouse if you have one, but also of anyone in your village) to improve communication and connection within your family. This isn’t about nitpicking or taking over the mental load for everyone. It’s about finding ways to get your needs met with as little effort for everyone, yourself included, as possible.

9: ❓ Make Small Requests

My husband used to text me on his way home something like, “On my way home, 36 mins.” I found myself doing the backward math, adding the minutes he sent to the current time, to figure out his actual ETA. It started to drive me batty because I would get this text often as soon as I walked in the daycare door to pick up the kids, one of the most chaotic parts of the day for me. I finally asked him in a text one time he sent it, ”Is there a reason you send the minutes until you’re home instead of the actual time on the clock you'll arrive?” He said, “No, Google Maps gives me both.” So I asked, “Can you send me the ETA as an actual time instead of the minutes til you get home from now on? It decreases the math I have to do to figure out when you’ll actually be home when I’m running around with the kids.” He responded, “No problem,” and from then on, no more crazy daycare pickup math problems.

It might seem trivial on the surface, but this small request improved our communication, reduced my stress, and made my daily routine smoother. Especially if you're like me and struggle with asking for what you need (hellooooo eldest daughter syndrome), try making smaller requests more frequently, instead of waiting to make larger requests that can feel heavier and harder to make.

Examples:

• In the morning: If you’re rushing to get out the door, and your partner asks you a non-urgent question, ask them if it can wait until the evening or if they can text you instead.
• After work / on weekends: If you need a moment to yourself after the kids have clung to you all morning, ask your partner to take over for a bit so you can take a walk around the block.
• Over family meals: If you’re feeling talked-out after work, ask your partner to take the lead on getting the kids to talk about their days during the meal.
• After the kids go to bed: If you’re wiped out, ask your partner to body double with you on a task you have to finish before bed.

Ask yourself: What small requests can you make to improve communication and reduce stress in your family?

Cheering you on,

Leslie Newell
Founder, Bright Violet Home

P.S. This week is the last week of my soft launch! If you haven't already, take advantage of one of my free and paid offerings this week and book your free 30-minute consult to chat 1:1 about how I can help you tame the mental load.